I Called the Police on My Son — Why I Stand by That Choice

For years I dreaded the thought of ever having to call the police about one of my own children.

I imagined situations like those seen on television—families in crisis, criminal activity—and never pictured myself, a 40‑year‑old mom in a middle‑class suburb, in that role.

But it happened. I have called the police on my child, and I would do it again if necessary.

I’ve called the police more than once for my son, and each time felt both relief and guilt.

As his aggression escalated, our therapist advised that we call if we felt threatened. That guidance sat heavily with us: it felt both necessary and impossible.

Parents Feel Trapped

Parents of children with behavioral and mental health needs often feel trapped between protecting their family and protecting their child.

We wanted to make it clear that violence would not be tolerated in our home. Yet we wondered what the police could realistically do, whether calling them would help, and how calling might affect our child’s future or our role as parents. If I had called every time I’d been hit, bitten, or slapped, I would have called dozens if not hundreds of times. Over years, his rage grew more intense, and our options felt exhausted.

There’s also the moral boundary we live within: a child can hurt a parent, but a parent cannot respond in kind without becoming abusive. Calling the police felt like an admission of defeat and an action with far‑reaching consequences.

We reached out to a friend who is a county police officer. She walked us through what to expect and reassured us that officers would likely de‑escalate the situation, not remove our son from the home. She even arranged to visit in uniform in a non‑emergency moment so our children could meet her and see her equipment. That helped, but the fear and uncertainty remained.

The Night I Called 911

Spring, 2015

One evening Mike and I realized we had been threatening to call 911 for so long that the threat had lost power. We were at the end of our rope and decided to act. We probably did not call during one of the very worst episodes, but it was one of the nights where we felt we had no other choice.

After years of trying every strategy—good and bad, professional and experimental—nothing worked.

Our son was in his room screaming, throwing things, cursing. I had reached my limit. From my bedroom across the hall, I picked up the phone and dialed 9‑1‑1.

The dispatcher was calm and asked essential questions: whether I was in immediate danger, whether any weapons were present, and where my son was. They stayed on the line until officers arrived.

By the time they came, our son had begun to calm. The officers were kind and professional. They spoke with him and then with us, collected basic information, and left us with their contact cards. The visit de‑escalated the moment but did not change the pattern of behavior long term.

When the Police Laughed at Me

Summer, 2015

The second call was one of the worst days we had experienced. Mike was at work. Our son’s anger felt more dangerous than usual and I was scared for my safety. This time, when the police arrived, the officers encountered a calmer child sitting in a chair. He refused to make eye contact and behaved in a way that felt eerie and alien compared with the child I knew.

That officer reacted differently than the first. He advised us—bluntly—to do what we needed to do to restrain our son and set boundaries, saying the law allowed parents to physically intervene when necessary. He suggested firm discipline, then handed us his card and left. The tone felt dismissive to me, and it stung.

Each police visit brought a different response and different emotions: relief, shame, validation, dismissal. The third time the police came was on Father’s Day, and that experience unfolded differently as well.

Still Standing

Bible Verse

By your endurance you will gain your lives.

Luke 21:19

Journal Prompt

Think about a time you reached out for help. Did you receive the help you were seeking?

• Still Standing
• What I Saw the Day of the Family Photos
• The Downward Spiral of My Son’s Behavior
• How Do I Talk to My Adopted Kids About Their Birth Family?
• The Day We Told Our Son About His Past
• I Called the Police for My Own Son…and I’m a Good Mom.
• The Worst Father’s Day…but it Wasn’t
• What It’s Like to Take Your Child to the Hospital for Mental Health Care
• What It’s Like When Your Child Needs Inpatient Mental Health Care
• What Visits Are Like When Your Child Gets Inpatient Mental Health Care
• What Life is Like When Your Child Has Mental Health Issues
• When Grief and Hope Come in Waves
• Attachment Therapy: When a New Start is Scary
• When You Beg God for a Miracle
• Tough Vacation Decisions for Kids with Special Needs
• When Kids Take Medication for Behavior
• Water Balloon Therapy
• When You Are Humbled
• He Goes to the Park
• How to Measure Progress in Tough Situations
• When My Adopted Child Cries for His Birth Mom
• The Two Equally Important Jobs of Every Parent
• How to Shift Conversations with Challenging Kids
• What to Do When Your Kids Lie to You
• Dodge and Weave
• When the Life Has Been Sucked Out of You
• Every Test in Your Life Makes You Bitter or Better.
• Mornings, Bedtimes, and Other Routines for Kids with Trauma History
• What Happens to the Sibling of a Special Needs Child
• I’m the Most Stubborn
• Watching Miracles Unfold
• How to Find Peace…When You Don’t Get Your Happy Ending

Resources

Parenting Teens With Love A…Shop on AmazonBoundaries with Teens: When…Shop on AmazonThe 5 Love Languages of Tee…Shop on Amazon